and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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