This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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