hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
