i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am naked and annoyed.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
