WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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