I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
