So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize