i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize