Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
