If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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