man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
did you just send me my own nude
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
