White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize