the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
