I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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