Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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