Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
