dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
