My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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