so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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