Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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