We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
