I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
40s are totally the cure
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
