That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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