I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
