Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
