Where did you get a picture of my penis
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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