i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
