Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
