Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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