It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
