Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
