My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize