dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
