I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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