My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize