Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
