I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
