I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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