It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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