at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
