Jerry, you need to find god
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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