My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
