11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
