I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
