I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
