I swear she didn't look like that last week.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
