it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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