i permit you to call me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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