ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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