She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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