i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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