dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
