i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
