Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
