I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
