If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
