there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
