Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
