He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
