How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
