Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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