Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
