he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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