so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
