I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
