I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
