everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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