i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Randomize
