weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
