I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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