Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
