do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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